Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
