I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
