I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
