I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
