I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
