It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
