no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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