My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
