I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
