Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
