Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
