i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
