I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
