don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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