Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
