i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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