she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
