What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
