I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
