Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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