My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
porn star boner night. come get it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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