4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
