well I can't set my house on fire every night
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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