is your mom at the bar?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
