My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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