so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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