turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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