glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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