Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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