you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
