Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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