Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
