Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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