Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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