Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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