My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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