My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
