he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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