You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
