I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
