Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
