and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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