Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
