She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
