a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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