Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
