Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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