I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We need a shit load of segways right now
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
