You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
