There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
