yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
